All posts tagged: death

To Make Art of Our Tears

We held a small memorial for a little creature whose ability to receive love taught us all a big lesson: to love is to name is to care is to keep. It is to mourn and to cry, too; and it is to continue to create and care about the living and the dying and the not-yet-born.

One does not need to do anything remarkable to be an object of love. One only needs to be that which it is – cat, boy, mom, dad, human, alive.

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A New Normal, A Better View

We slurped angel hair pasta with meat sauce for dinner at about 8:30. The TV joined us because we’ve been watching old episodes of Chuck. It was Wednesday night, which meant that the boys needed to put out the garbage for early morning pick-up. The laundry is a bit stacked up, the floors need mopping and I started a grocery list. All is normal at the Santos house. And I couldn’t be happier about that. All this normal. Well, it’s a dream come true for me. Anyone who knows me, who’s read much of this blog, knows that three years ago, our normal was shocked, interrupted by a drunk driver. The accident was near-fatal and although our kids miraculously walked away from the wreckage, the impact left Angelo trapped behind the steering wheel with a broken fibula and me, well, broken, in a lot of ways. Somehow my leg lay flung and awkward on the dashboard. I was immobile as I sat oddly in the passenger seat, wondering why breathing was becoming so difficult and …

The Utmost Degree {A Lesson in Really Loving}

We recently commemorated Memorial Day as a nation. To some, this was a day of deep mourning and celebration of lives given in service through the United States Armed Forces. To others, this was a free, paid vacation day. Many of us barbecued and relaxed, reveling in the freedom we’ve received through the investment of our military personnel. Memorial day is the day we remember those who gave to the utmost degree that ultimate sacrifice of loyalty — up to the very end. But honestly, it means the most to those who lived life with these people: family, friends, soldiers in arms, children and spouses. To them, Memorial Day is like a shining gem resting in the palm of everyday workaday life. The very crux of Christianity is Jesus’ sacrificial death on the cross for the punishment of our sins. The most significant human act of Jesus Christ, scripture tells us, is his sacrificial death on the cross. The most significant, supernatural and deific act was his resurrection from the dead. Death, we understand. Resurrection …

On Every Leanin’ Side

A full week had passed since I’d seen her. It was a busy week for me. I’d met with experts and visited with dozens of people that week. I hardly slept; food, five courses delivered at breakfast, lunch and dinner, sat barely eaten. Although that week was busier than I could have imagined, I found myself pausing, lingering long on deep sighs, yearning to be together again. Because even though I was exactly where I needed to be, I wanted to be home. Just a week earlier, my hand brushed the iron knob on death’s door. I came so close I nearly pushed it’s rough surface and crossed the threshold from life to death. But I was saved, and with some help, I was living still. While I spent my days and nights under expert medical care, my youngest daughter slept over with cousins, swam in the silver sunlight of waning summer and played in the garden with her brother. Until I was well enough to see her, she cried and wondered, processed and prayed …

A Son Reborn

He stinks sometimes. He annoys the family pets, mostly the cat. He takes out the garbage and does the dishes…sometimes. He kicks tail on Modern Warfare on his Xbox. He’s my son. He finds me to give me a hug every day. He walks a mile to take the city bus to school. He invites his friends to youth group. He spills Coke on the carpet. He’s not perfect but I like him that way. And in the horrifying silence in the moments after our car accident, he was the first to see my injuries. “Mom! What can I do for you? What can I do?” “Stay still and pray.” And he did. (You can read my daughter’s post about that here and be ready to get wowed by her story!) Two months later, he posted this on his facebook page: This is my son. A man in the making. A man who has already learned the deep truth of recognizing his need for salvation. A man who knows his Savior. A man who’s not afraid …