Faith, life
Comments 16

{Tears}

They’ve been showing up often these days.

Unbidden and not always welcome, however I’m learning to accept their presence.

These tears of mine.

I squeeze my eyes, swallow hard, screw up my face to hold them in, but they insist on spilling.

I’m a strong person, logical and sensible, and although I experience emotions, I don’t enjoy readily putting them on display. Crying makes me puffy and pink.

And vulnerable.

But I’m learning to see these tears differently.

They’ve become

little baptisms of the spirit, tiny floods of praise,

rivulets of gratitude and pools of praise.

This christening of tears is a dedication to my Savior and a renewal of who I want to be in him. Like a helpless baby, I’ve been saved, rescued, given life anew and I’m swaddled in grace, cradled in love, rocked by the strong right arm of God. And that is the only place I want to  be.

Because friend, life can knock the wind out of you.

The unexpected can threaten and loom and like gale-force winds, rip through your life to the very foundation of who you are. And when that happens, when all you’ve worked for and all you’ve lived for is pulled off, when you are no longer

wife,

daughter,

sister,

co-worker,

friend,

enemy,

mother,

leader,

follower

and you are just and only you, the material of your foundation is all that matters.

There will come a day when there is only breath available for a few words. What will they be?

Mine were:

Help

God

And the rest was spirit; my body couldn’t produce the words, my mouth couldn’t form them, even my mind could not think them. If the last two words I ever spoke were those two, it would be enough. God would help.

God would help in the way that would be best for me. Because he loves me and he made a promise. He answered my prayer and provided people to save my life. And although there has been (and is) suffering, I am still, always, forever, in his hand. And the words I speak daily are the same: Help God.

So the tears are welcome friends. And sometimes, when I am alone (or feel alone) and I breathe with lung repaired, I let the tears come baptize me again because they remind me of who I really am.

I am God’s child.

And all the other labels slip off — sister, friend, wife, daughter, mother…I am no longer clothed in the filmy, flimsy garments of this world, but I am made bare, humbled in the presence of God. Untethered and unfettered, I am free to accept his help.

Friend, his hand is there for you. And his hand is mighty.

He is strong enough to pull you out and up from any earthly mess.

And you do not need to worry. He cares for you.

Even when no one else does. Even when the people who should care, don’t. Even when you are alone in a river of tears, he cares for you. He will help.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand; that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” {1Peter 5:6,7,10}

And that’s why I sometimes cry.

I submerge myself in the waters of this world and come up renewed, remade, recreated in the life of Christ.

If it takes tears to fill that baptismal, so be it.

Because life apart from Jesus is no life at all.


 

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16 Comments

  1. Great reminder of the importance of tears. Makes me think of the verse about God catching all your tears in a bottle. I know He’s caught a lot of tears from me, …many of those times when like you said, all I could cry was, “God, HELP!”

  2. I’ve always struggled to unleash my tears in public. It goes back to a childhood vow I made. But I love the way you’ve allowed yourself that freedom, that truth. And I love the way you worded it, “baptized” by your tears. Such an amazing and healing analogy! Thanks so much for being real and letting all of us know it!

  3. Such beautiful word pictures. I especially liked this part, “But I’m learning to see these tears differently.

    They’ve become

    little baptisms of the spirit, tiny floods of praise,

    rivulets of gratitude and pools of praise.”
    I hope I never forget the essence of these words.
    Blessings, Nona@gr8day2save.com

  4. LPearson says

    Thank you, thank you! For you truly captured the essence of our expression of soul cleansing through “tears baptismal”.

  5. For a period of time in my life I did not cry. Not a tear. It was a bad time. And the absence of tears didn’t make it any better. It just closed me up and made me brittle, so that when I broke, I really broke! I have come to see tears as a gift from God. That He keeps count of them and keeps them in His bottle is a precious comfort.
    A widowed blogger friend of mine wrote this interesting post about tears (http://www.widowschristianplace.com/2011/11/crying-spells-to-feel-good-about.html)
    It seems they even have physical health benefits, due to their content. It’s a good read. God bless your tears, and your life. Continued prayers for you.

    • Sylvia, thank you for sharing this deeply personal time in your past. Hurt can just cauterize our souls and crush our spirits — bless God that his love broke the wall and that he met you when the stones tumbled down. What a savior!

  6. Teresa says

    Help God. The simplicity of your prayer makes me remember some very dark hours in my life. All I could say to my Lord was God God God. In those 3 words God taught me that He knows, He cares and He sees. Like you, we leave the rest for the Spirit. God has gifted you Alyssa in this area of communicating pain and emotion to written words. Reminds me of how singers do the same with their lyrics.

  7. I dont even know how I happen upon this site other than by the grace of God…He obviously wanted me to see this at this time and season…I find myself crying maybe too much lately…with my spirit and heart feeling overwhelmed…I often think of it a a sign of weakness but the way you have described tears here it makes me feel a sense of relief and release …a reminder that God knows over every tear and as stated by Jennifer He treasures our vulnerability, our cries for help … weeping may indeed endure for a night but joy comes in the morning…I thank God for giving you the inspiration to share…

    • Alli,
      Thank you for sharing with me. I love it that the hand of God guides us to where he wants us to go and opens our hearts to see what He wants to show us. Sometimes we looked through tear-blurred eyes, but it is all grace. Bless you, friend, and remember he holds our tears in that bottle of his. None go unnoticed.

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